Pondering Life's Mysteries

I spent much of yesterday considering- considering HARD, to the extent that the effort caused me to make all kinds of frowny faces- how it was within the realm of earthly possibility that Gwyneth Paltrow, who was with child for all of fifteen minutes, has already given birth to her baby.  This while Katie Holmes, who has been pregnant now for something in the vicinity of eleventy billion months and twelveteen weeks, has not yet produced her piece of living, breathing evidence of Tom Cruise's "heterosexuality" and "virility."  Someone who understands?  Would you mind explaining this to me?  Please?  Is this yet another instance of Catholic school sex ed leaving out all the good parts?  I feel so confused and left out.