Miss Officious

Last week, I looked into the face of Crazy and lived to tell the tale.

She strode up to the information desk in a maelstrom of words, clutching to her breast a copy of Thomas Friedman's "The World is Flat," which she claimed to have read eleven times.  Now she wished to purchase copies for everyone she knew.  How, she asked, would she go about that?

I told her that if she wanted, say, twenty copies or less, we could sell them to her on the spot.  If she wanted more than that, we would have to order them.  It would take approximately a week for them to come in.

"No, no, no!"  She squawked.  "That's not what I meant at all!  How many books come in a box?"

"Um, what?"  I asked, not seeing how this was relevant to ...anything.

"What is the matter with you, young lady?  Are you handicapped?  I said, how many books come in a box?  When you get them!  From wherever they come from!"

"I don't know.  We get boxes of various sizes, with all different books inside, rather than boxes full of copies of the same book.  And we charge by the book, not by the box.  So, the packaging from the distributor is irrelevant, and it's actually more convenient for you.  You get to choose precisely the number you need."

"Why are you trying to make this so difficult?  I ask you simple questions, and you insist on giving me sassy, wiseass answers.  HOW MANY BOOKS COME IN A BOX?  I want to buy a box of books!  How many books come in a box?!"  Spittle was gathering in the corners of her mouth, and she'd begun stomping her foot to emphasize her "points."  It was like standing half a foot from the Alpha Elephant, thirty seconds before the stampede. 

"But, that doesn't matter," I said.  "We can order any number of copies for you.  And we don't sell things by the box.  If you need them boxed up after you buy them, we'll find one that'll hold everything."

"This is everything that's wrong with Bookstore.  YOU are everything that's wrong with Bookstore.  I have been shopping here for forty years!  Forty years, and then they hire people like you, people like you who RUIN EVERYTHING!  Snotty, officious people like you!  HOW MANY BOOKS ARE IN A BOX?!  HOW MANY?!  Why won't you answer this question, missy?  Miss OFFICIOUS!  That's what you are, sassy little MISS OFFICIOUS!"

[Internal monologue: Because it's a state secret, and then the book police would drag me off for interrogation, torture, and near-certain execution.]

By this point, she had attained a pitch and volume impossible for anyone else in the store to ignore.  My manager, my white knight in shining armor, swung into duty and told her that she couldn't continue to lose her shit in the middle of the sales floor.  It's bad for business.  Crazy Lady told him that I was not only officious and sassy, but also rude, racist, and borderline retarded.  Oh, and also that she didn't want to look at my "nasty face" anymore, so I was "off the hook."  As I walked away, she made strange hissing, spitting noises at my retreating form.  Hex, or voodoo curse?  What's your call?

Comments

[Kat]

Sounds like voodoo to me.

[Carter Wiecking]

Sounds like she was just trying to cover up for the fact that, although she wants to send copies to "everyone she knows", she only knows eight people, seven of whom are her own alternate personalities.

[Biomiasnasior]

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