Dear Mom 'n' Dad,
Just wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know that I have decided that I am very happy that I followed your sage advice re: Saying No To Drugs. Heavy acid, for example. Because last night.... Wait! Mom? Stop crying! No, no, no! I am not trying to tell you that I ODed last night. I promise! Are you listening to me? No, I was not in the emergency room. No, no I am not writing this from rehab. No...ok, I'm just going to continue to talk while you hyperventilate into that brown paper bag. In, and out. IN, and out. There we go.
Now, where was I? Oh, right: last night, I watched the Olympic closing ceremonies on NBC. And I saw a hundred clowns, in full regalia, play "YMCA" on a hundred trumpets. In the meantime, thousands of dancers, clad in what I assume was the traditional garb of some indigenous Italian peoples, and looking like the human embodiment of snow, did what could only be termed as an interpretive dance. Which included, but was certainly not limited to, enthusiastic formation of the relevant body-letters.
Add to that the unlikely overlap of the Venn diagrams for "people on roller-blades" and "people bearing torches," and you have, right there on national television, a massive acid trip. Why suffer through the risk of arrest and bear the expense related to the consumption of illegal substances when the networks are willing to do it, free of charge, on your behalf!
Because, Mom 'n' Dad, if you taught me nothing else, it was the Value of a Dollar. You guys are the best.
Love,
Laris
Comments