This morning, the Boston Red Sox announced their long-anticipated reunion with Theo Epstein.
The statement issued by the team is remarkable for its parallels to the spin campaigns launched by certain of my girlfriends when they abashedly confess, in tearful coffeeshop bullshit and gossip sessions, that they're going to give it another try with with the cretin boyfriend who'd at long last been kicked to the curb the previous month. The type of boyfriend who finally breaks the camel's back only when he has a threesome in the bathroom at her little sister's birthday party with her best friend and the hired clown while she's upstairs recovering from a nasty case of the gout. And now that they're reconciling, she wants to talk about how much he's "grown as a person" and how being apart "has really made him come to value our relationship," while I'm frantically corralling every available neuron to prevent myself from tipping her head back and pouring her skim latte down her nostrils.
Here's what the Sox had to say:
"As you know, we have spoken frequently during the last 10 weeks," the statement said. "We have engaged in healthy, spirited debates about what it will take over the long term for the Red Sox to remain a great organization and, in fact, become a more effective organization in philosophy, approaches and ideals."
"Ironically, Theo's departure has brought us closer together in many respects, and, thanks to these conversations, we now enjoy the bonds of a shared vision for the organization's future that did not exist on Oct. 31."
Ultimately, the Red Sox should feel even more ashamed and bamboozled than my poor deluded girlfriends, since they're the only ones getting back together with someone who escaped the scene of the breakup in a gorilla suit.
Theo was not abusive or backstabbing, at all. He was great for us, and we still need him.
Plus ... he's cute.
Posted by: Designer Ella | January 29, 2006 at 03:52 PM